The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz is an essential guidebook for navigating life’s complexities. It illuminates the pervasive indoctrination we undergo from birth, shaping our perceptions and behaviours, leading to self-judgment and the imposition of limitations on ourselves and others. Central to its teachings is the transformative power of our words. Ruiz underscores the importance of mindful communication, urging us not to take anything personally and to refrain from making assumptions. Moreover, “The Four Agreements” imparts a timeless truth: the importance of striving for excellence in all endeavours. Through this commitment to doing our best, we safeguard against the remorse of unfulfilled potential and embrace a life free from the burden of regret.
Human Domestication from Birth
Miguel Ruiz is of the view that everything we believe is taught by our family and society. The language we speak, religion, and culture were all inherited. He emphasized that we didn’t even choose our own name and only grew up to unconditionally agree with the information passed onto us. In this indoctrination, parents use the reward and punishment system to domesticate their children. They invent rules for good and bad behaviour, and reward conformists and punish those who go against the rules. This behaviour follows us into adulthood. To get the attention of others and be rewarded, we continue doing what others want us to do, and for fear of punishment, we pretend to be what we are not to please others and be good enough. Eventually, we become someone that we are not, a copy of others’ beliefs.
“Therefore, the greatest fear confronting humanity is not death. Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive and express what we really are. Just being ourselves is our biggest fear as humans. We wear a social mask to keep others from noticing us.”
Miguel Ruiz believed that embodying the teachings of the four agreements can help us overcome our greatest fears as humans.
The Four Agreements
The four agreements to help us overcome our fears are: be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best, as explained below.
Be Impeccable with Your Word
The power of our words is unparalleled, serving as both a creative force and a destructive weapon in our lives. With our words, we shape reality, communicate our thoughts, and influence the events that unfold. It is the most potent tool at our disposal as human beings, capable of crafting beauty or wreaking havoc depending on how we wield it. A single word has the potential to transform a life or devastate entire communities, as evidenced by historical figures like Hitler, who manipulated the masses through rhetoric.
To be impeccable with your word is to wield this power responsibly, refraining from using it as a weapon against ourselves or others. It entails a commitment to truth and love in our communication, fostering harmony and authenticity in our interactions.
Yet, too often, we misuse our words, allowing them to sow seeds of hatred and division, inflicting lasting wounds upon others. When others internalize our opinions and judgments, they unwittingly incorporate them into their own self-perception, perpetuating cycles of self-doubt and insecurity. To break free from the spell we cast upon others, honesty becomes our salvation. Acknowledging the times when our words stemmed from anger, envy, or spite allows us to retract the falsehoods we’ve propagated and restore truth and kindness.
Moreover, being impeccable with our word extends beyond interpersonal interactions; it also involves critically examining the narratives we adopt from external sources. Too often, we allow hearsay and prejudice to cloud our judgment, harbouring unfounded animosity towards people or experiences based solely on others’ words. Yet, even what we see sometimes with our own eyes is far from the truth. What about what we heard from others? Have you taken the courage to seek clarity from the person? In essence, practicing impeccability with our word is a commitment to using our language as a force for good, uplifting others and nurturing understanding rather than sowing seeds of discord and pain.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
The second agreement advises against taking anything personally. Regardless of what unfolds around you, refrain from internalizing it as a reflection of yourself. People’s actions stem from their own perspectives and experiences, distinct from yours. Taking things personally stems from assuming others understand your world and attempting to superimpose it onto theirs. This reaction often leads to feeling offended and defending your beliefs, sparking conflicts unnecessarily. Remember, others’ opinions about you are projections of their own aspirations and emotions. Whether they praise or criticize you, it reflects their current state, not your inherent worth. By not internalizing external judgments, you liberate yourself from the burden of others’ words. You can confidently make choices aligned with your values and maintain inner peace amidst challenges.
Don’t Make Assumptions
Yes, don’t make assumptions. As humans, we have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. Yet, instead of perceiving them as assumptions, we believe them to be the truth and act on them. Therefore, instead of asking for clarifications or asking questions that we are afraid to ask, we take the easy way out, that is, make assumptions and take everything personally.
“The biggest assumption humans make is assuming that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse.”
Which is why we fear being ourselves around others. So, even before others have the opportunity to reject us, we reject ourselves by pretending to be something we are not. To keep yourself from making assumptions, you must ask questions for clarity. Once you hear the answer, you will not have to make assumptions.
Always Do Your Best
This is the guiding principle of my life. Always do your best under any circumstances, no more, no less. However, your best is not static and will keep changing. So your best could be of high quality, and sometimes, not good enough. For instance, when you are energetic and refreshed, your best will be better than when you are fatigued and grumpy. Your best will be different when you are happy, sad, jealous, or angry. Your best will differ if you are healthy or sick. Your best can change from one moment to another in every mood, situation or environment. Therefore, keep doing your best. If you try to do more than your best, you will spend more energy than needed, and in the end, your best will not be enough. When you overdo, you deplete your body and go against yourself, and it will take you longer to accomplish your goal. Also, if you do less than your best, you subject yourself to frustrations, self-judgement, guilt, and regrets. Therefore, if you always do your best, you will be free from the cycle of self-blame and regrets of what-ifs. You know it was not meant for you at all or at the moment when you do your best and fail. Your best is enough to get you whatever is meant for you. However, you have to be aware of your mistakes, learn to correct them, and practice to be the best version of yourself always.
In conclusion, the first three agreements are grounded in the commitment to always do your best. While you may not achieve impeccable word usage at all times or avoid taking things personally or making assumptions, striving to do your best mitigates these tendencies. By consistently exerting effort, the habits of misusing words, taking things personally and making assumptions gradually diminish in frequency and strength over time.
By: Huzeima Mahamadu
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